When I talk about black love, I
mean more than just romantic love. I am talking about loving your own history
and culture, loving the skin you’re in, love within families, love and support
for your community, as well as romantic love. As African Americans, we are
blessed to have a rich and dynamic culture that is defined by resilience,
strength, and dignity. In a time where there is so much hate that is meant to
divide us, we can choose to come together in love instead.
1.
Love for the Black Individual: Black love
is essential for the good of the individual. As African Americans, we
constantly have to deal with negative messages about ourselves and our people.
It has gotten to a point where many black people no longer notice the
perpetuation of the stereotypes and the enactment of discrimination because it
has become a typical way of life. Unfortunately the stigma associated with
being black has become so ingrained that many African Americans begin to
believe the negative messages they are receiving about themselves and others
like them. We need to bolster empowerment and efficacy in African American
individuals. I am elated to be living in a time where a second “black is
beautiful” movement is coming around. There are more women proudly wearing
their natural hair, embracing their skin tone, and loving their bodies. I am so
happy to be in the midst of this movement because I remember when being black
was not celebrated the way it is now. Even 10 years ago it was much more
socially acceptable to have straight hair and light skin but today the
standards of beauty are changing. Although progress is being made, there are
still many people who do not appreciate their black identity. There are people
who hate themselves for their dark skin and the culture of their ancestors. It
is painful to know that some people refuse to believe that they are fearfully
and wonderfully made by God (Psalm 139:14) and that they come from an
illustrious heritage of leaders, innovators, and trailblazers. It is important
that you are proud of your culture and ethnicity because it is an extension of
yourself. It is a part of who you are and it is impossible to erase it but you
can embrace it. Beyond the need for us to embrace our ethnicity, we also need
more self-care and personal development. It is not selfish to take care of
yourself, rather it is essential. We need to stop beating ourselves up and
start being nurturing and kind to ourselves. How often do you engage in self-care
activities? Do you reward yourself? If you are not doing these things regularly
you are most likely not being loving to yourself. You cannot truly help anyone
else if you do not take care of yourself first. It is okay to do things like
take time to relax, go to therapy, and enjoy yourself. In fact, it is more than
okay, it is essential for your health and your sanity. Along with self-care it
is important to take time to develop yourself and to learn and grow as often as
you can. For instance, you could take up an instrument or learn a second
language. Whatever you decide to do, try to go beyond your obligations and do
something that will increase your fulfillment in life. That is what it means to
truly love yourself.
2.
Love for Black Marriages: Black love
is essential for the good of black marriages. Once we practice loving
ourselves, then we will be able to have healthy and sustainable relationships.
There are too many black women and men who settle for unhealthy relationships
that only lead to heartbreak and despair. We need representations of love,
commitment, and respect between black men and women. In this day and age, many
people in the black community have been raised by single mothers, which has
deprived many of us of an example of what a healthy relationship should look
like. While we are resilient and can thrive coming from a home without both
parents, we may be hindered in terms of how to navigate a healthy relationship.
The only way we can expect to change the cycle of divorce and unhealthy
relationships within the black community is by doing something different. Our
community desperately needs black men who are willing to be respectful, honest,
and committed in relationships. We also need black women who refuse to settle
for less than they are worth and who will be a source of support and
encouragement within their relationships. Young black men and women alike need
to stop settling for casual hook-ups and instead take the time to develop
substantial relationships. When we start making these types of changes, it will
lead to more healthy marriages within the black community.
3.
Love for Black Families: Black love
is essential for the good of black families. If we have strong black marriages
they will lead to strong black families. Strong families are necessary for a
functioning and thriving society. In the midst of a society that contains so
many estranged families, it is necessary for African Americans to ensure that
our families remain intact. Our community needs more mothers, fathers, and
siblings who support each other out of love and respect. Love within black
families is particularly important for our future society. The children of
today will be the leaders of tomorrow. It is important that their families
teach them about their culture and show them what true love really means. The
children who grow up in loving families will have better chances of becoming
productive members of society and they will be able to create a better society
in the future.
4.
Love for the Black Community: Black love
is essential for the good of the black community. We need to increase unity and
collaboration within our communities. Having strong black families will make it
easier to develop a strong black community. The love and support that is
fostered within the home will carry over into the community for the good of
everyone. For example, daycare, mentorship, and early childhood education can
all be provided for free within a community that works together. We could
create spaces where we can freely express our cultural values and reflect on
our heritage. A strong black community would also include black owned
businesses that sell products that serve our community. The flourishing
businesses would allow the owners to give back to the community out of the
desire to see their people thrive. This would create an economic system that
keeps our money in our communities, which would serve the interests of the
people in the community. All of these things would help us become united as a
collaborative community.
5.
Love for the Culture: Black love
is essential for the good of our culture. When we start loving ourselves we
will no longer need the approval of others to feel valid or worthy. With strong
communities, we will have more money and influence that will allow us to
dictate our schooling, housing, entertainment, food, etc. without being subject
to the will of people who do not always have our best interest at heart.
Throughout history, black people have had to compromise their culture for the
sake of approval, advancement, and/or for their safety. It is a shame that we
have to “code switch” in order to appease people who do not understand us. When
we build up our communities we will not need to bend to the rules of the
“dominant culture” because we can make our own rules. When we get to that level
of power and influence, as a people, that provides freedom. The freedom to be
yourself fully, without apology. The freedom to know that you can embrace your
culture and still advance in your chosen career. The freedom to know that you
can love our culture without feeling the need to defend that decision. Our
people have been disenfranchised for way too long. It is time that we develop a
vested interest in uplifting our communities so that we can preserve our
culture.
These ideas may seem farfetched but
they are not impossible to achieve. If we start a black love movement where
people are able to love themselves, show love to others, and foster love within
communities, it could have an amazing impact. While it may take some time
before we see a societal shift, we can work to make many of these changes
today. It all starts with you!
Action Steps: Think about
how you embody black love in your life. Are you committed to perpetuating black
love in all of these domains? If so, make a commitment to actively work to
promote these areas of black love in your life.
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