I let them get the best of me. I let them hold
me back. I lacked trust. I lacked faith. I lacked confidence. The “them” I’m
talking about are self-doubt, perfectionism, and privacy.
Honestly, I was hesitant to make a blog. I was
too private for that. I never wanted attention, I was too insecure for that. I
didn’t want for people to see my work. My writing was not perfect enough for
that. Yet here I am, with a blog, writing for everyone to see if they so
choose. In the spirit of transparency, it is very difficult for me to do this.
Don’t get me wrong, I love writing and I have so much I want to say. The
difficult part is sharing it, it feels like a violation to share my thoughts
and feelings with everyone. But God calls me to be greater
than my insecurities. He has called me to share even though I would prefer
to hold it close. My comfort is not His goal. I am uncomfortable but I am full
of joy and excitement. Ultimately I am at peace because in my
discomfort is where I will grow. I am being pushed to do more than I am
inclined so that I am able to handle more in the future. This blog has been
ready to go for over a year but I never made it available to the public. I let
a lot of things delay my progress but I haven’t let them stop me. Before I
could move forward, I needed to get over self-doubt, perfectionism, and privacy
in order to reveal this blog.
How to Avoid the Traps I Fell Into:
Self-Doubt
When you don’t believe in yourself it can be
destructive. When you lack the confidence to know that you were put on this
earth for a reason and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God
(Psalm 139) you may believe all types of lies about yourself. Lies from the
enemy, lies from the world, and lies that you tell yourself may seem like the
truth.
It’s easy to say “believe in yourself,
everything will be okay!” but that may not be the truth. I’m not here to
perpetuate cliché pleasantries. So I’ll be real, it’s hard to believe in
yourself and it’s hard to have confidence, especially if you’ve been rejected
or put down before. A few ways that I have effectively combatted self-doubt is
1) believe in God’s power to work through you, even if you don’t believe in
yourself. The amazing truth is that where we fall short, God will make up the
difference! If you turn to him and ask for his grace, he will show up right on
time. 2) Express your feelings to someone you trust (friend, family, therapist)
and talk out your worries and fears. Sometimes all it takes is openly
expressing your concerns to someone with your best interest at heart. It can
make a world of difference to hear a different perspective and receive some
much needed encouragement.
Perfectionism
Nothing and no one but Jesus Christ is perfect,
so we all might as well let that notion go. I used to believe I could achieve
perfection but that belief just set me up for disappointment and failure. So
what’s the harm in trying to be perfect? The main reason is that it can be paralyzing
as it was for me. If you always wait for the “perfect” time, you will be
waiting forever my dear. I have consistently waited or not pursued
opportunities because I wasn’t perfect yet or the situation wasn’t perfect,
which ultimately led to me missing out and deferring possible blessings.
The ways I combat perfectionism is 1) by
reminding myself that no one on this earth is perfect. 2) Also by remembering
that imperfect people can still achieve great things. Don’t believe me? Think
of the person you most admire or the most successful person on earth. Now I
dare you to tell me that they are perfect... you can’t because I know they’re
not. We all fail, we all make mistakes, and we all get rejected. What matters
is not the failures but how you react to them. Will you keep going and try
again or will you give up? Will you move forward even though everything isn’t
perfect or will you stay paralyzed by fear?
Privacy
I can hear it now, “Steph, what’s wrong with
being a private person?” well there’s nothing wrong with it. However, it is a
problem if you let it control your life, when you become so guarded that you
can’t let anyone in, or when you let fear and inadequacy fuel your need for
privacy. I let all of those things happen to me and trust me, you don’t want to
get to that point. When you are private and guarded to that extent in becomes
nearly impossible to even let the good things into your life and it only leads
to isolation and loneliness.
This type of guarded privacy can be brought down
by 1) practicing openness. It seems simple and it honestly is but give it a
try! If you share simple, innocuous information more regularly, you are developing
the skill and eventually you will be able to share more personal details as time
passes. 2) Start building trust in people. The main reason people are guarded
is because they lack trust so if you start building trust, you will feel more
comfortable opening up. Believe it or not there are some trustworthy people out
there! When you find them, keep them close and allow yourself to confide in
them.
Action Steps: If anything I mentioned applies to you, I hope you find my suggestions helpful! I challenge you to try them out and see if they work for you. If they don’t, I challenge you to seek wise counsel from an elder, pastor, or parent you trust. There is help out there, we don’t have to combat these things alone!
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